


Just hold on kid

by erinlightwoodbane



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Crutchie has feelings, Depression, Jack Is A Good Boyfriend, Multi, Specs/Romeo if you squint, Sprace if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 12:44:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12531688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erinlightwoodbane/pseuds/erinlightwoodbane
Summary: Crutchie isn't doing too good and doesn't want his friends to find out. Jack is a good boyfriend.





	Just hold on kid

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I'm awful at writing summaries so hopefully you'll agree that the actual story is better. I hope you enjoy and if you have any Jack/Crutchie or Crutchie prompts, leave me a comment and I'll write them!

It was a Friday night and Crutchie was at a party. He stood on the balcony of the apartment he and Spot shared, his hands tightly gripping the cold metal bars as he forced himself to take a few deep breaths. The door behind him, which led back into the apartment, was closed but Crutchie could still hear the loud music playing from inside, could hear Race shouting and Romeo laughing loudly. The latter two were normally things that would make Crutchie smile but tonight he couldn't stand the sounds. 

He shouldn't be feeling this way. His friends already put up with his messed up leg, if they found out about the way he was feeling, the things he did to himself just to prove he was alive, they'd leave him for sure. They were good people but there's only so much shit people can put up with before they snap and leave you to fend for yourself. And Crutchie would deserve it if they did. 

He tries desperately to still his shaking hands, to hold back the tears threatening to spill. All this comes down to one simple thing- not being good enough. Crutchie doesn't deserve his friends. He doesn't deserve to get to wake up and curl up with Spot on the sofa in the morning, watching shitty reality tv and laughing about Race and Romeo's latest antics. He doesn't deserve the comfort Katherine, Davey and Mush offer when he's upset, doesn't deserve Finch and Albert wrapping an arm around his shoulders and hugging him close to them, ruffling his hair as they talk to the rest of the boys. And most of all, he doesn't deserve Jack. He doesn't deserve the boy who lies with him on the days when he can't get out of bed, the boy who smiles at him when their eyes meet, the boy who lets Crutchie watch him paint early into the morning.

Crutchie loves Jack. 

A loud clang from behind him startles him out of his thoughts and he whirls round, grabbing his crutch from the ground. Jack Kelly stands there, grinning and looking as infuriatingly gorgeous as he always looks. 

"Hey, calm down, it's just me." Jack says, laughing a little. He walks a little closer to Crutchie and then stops, frowning a little.

"What?" Crutchie asks, his voice hollow even to his own ears.

"Are you alright?"

Crutchie doesn't answer, his throat suddenly tight. His eyes sting and he turns his back on Jack, embarrassed. He forces himself to stare out at the city, trying to ignore the boy behind him.

"Crutch,"

A sob escapes Crutchie and that one cry is enough to make him break. Immediately Jack is there, gathering him in his arms and pulling him close to his chest, murmuring soft reassurances in his ear. Crutchie's crutch clangs loudly against the metal platform as it falls to the floor. He doesn't let go, rocking Crutchie gently and letting him cry into his shoulder, holding the smaller boy to him as tightly as he can. He doesn't know what's going on but that's alright for now, he knows holding his best friend is enough for the time being. It takes a while but slowly Crutchie's heartbeat returns to its normal pace and his sobs turn into little sniffles. Still, Jack is reluctant to let go.

"Let's get you inside, okay?"

Crutchie doesn't answer but he feels him nodding against his chest. He's leaning all of his weight on Jack, crutch forgotten. Jack doesn't mind and he gently manoeuvres them back into the apartment, wincing at how loud the music is and hoping their friends won't interrupt them. Thankfully, Specs notices them come in and whispers something to Romeo who immediately lets out a loud yell, effectively bringing everyone's attention to him.

Jack guides Crutchie into his bedroom, the door shutting behind them with a light click, sitting Crutchie down on his bed and kneeling down in front of him.

He takes Crutchie's hands in his own, pressing them to his lips. 

His eyes finally meets Jack's and Jack could honestly cry. "Do you want to tell me what's going on?" He asks.

At he says this, the door is flung open and Race bursts into the room. 

"What are you two doing?" He basically shouts and Jack inwardly groans. 

He gestures frantically to the shaking boy on the bed and Race's eyes widen, instantly full of concern.

"Oh shit-"

"Go Race!"

Race, for perhaps the first time in his life, does as he's told and sprints back to the living room, the door slamming behind him. Jack knows he's going to blurt what's happening out to the others, or at the very least, Spot, but Jack can't worry about that now. And besides, despite Crutchie never wanting to show any weakness when he's with his friends, Jack knows there's no way they'll react with anything other than love and support. The music that had previously been playing has stopped now and the whole apartment is quiet save for Crutchie's shallow breaths.

Jack pulls himself up and sits down next to Crutchie, wrapping his arm around his shaking shoulders. He can feel his heartbeat racing again. 

"Race hates me." Crutchie whispers.

"Crutch, Race loves you, why would you think any different?" It's meant to be a rhetorical question but Crutchie actually answers and Jack's heart begins to break.

"Everyone hates me. I'm such a burden on all of you and I'm boring and annoying and they know- you know- that I can't do anything right, all I do is get in the way of what yous want to do so who wouldn't hate me? I hate me. I hate myself so much I can't stand it. And I don't know how much longer I can keep hating myself. It's too much." 

"We don't hate you," Jack says softly, trying to speak past the lump in his throat, "We don't think your a burden and we certainly think you get in the way of anything. I'm so sorry you feel like this but kid, all of this worry is inside your head. We all think you're wonderful. You're kind and funny and sweet and we're all so grateful to have you in our lives. You're more than good enough."

"Then why don't I feel like it?" Crutchie asks, burying his head in the crook of Jack's neck, his hands clinging to Jack's. 

"I know you don't feel like it now but you won't feel this way forever. You've gotten through so much, Crutch, and you're going to get through this too. I have so much faith in you." Jack answers, not really knowing what he's saying till he says it.

"I don't deserve your faith." Crutchie replies and Jack's grip on him tightens.

"You do. You prove it to me every day. You're the bravest, most brilliant person I know. You work harder than everyone else because you don't want people to think you slack off because one of your legs doesn't work, you're determined and you'll never stop fighting for what's right. You do so much for us all. You make food for Davey and Katherine when they're up studying and forget to eat because you know what it's like not to eat, and you always pull me away from my painting when it's getting late and I haven't slept in a while. You're the only person who can do that. I love you so much Crutch, I couldn't do this without you."

Jack worries that he's said to much until he notices that Crutchie's stopped crying and his hands have stopped shaking. His words haven't fixed everything but at least he's stopped panicking. That's enough for now.

"Thank you," Crutchie says quietly, adjusting himself so that he's lying down. Jack follows his example and doesn't hesitate to wrap himself around the smaller boy, as if trying to shield him from all the bad things the world has threw at him. There's silence for a moment before Crutchie says, "I love you too." Jack's heart swells.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Jack asks, glancing at the clock on his bedside table. It reads 23:45. "It's past 11."

"Will you stay with me?" Crutchie asks, already knowing the answer.

"Always."

**Author's Note:**

> Ayy hit me up with some writing prompts at my tumblr Lafayetteandtheirrevolutionaires or if you just want to chat! I hope you enjoyed! Please leave me a comment if you want to read more Newsies stuff


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